Cave Dwelling

Think of the storied history of the caveman movie: One Million, B.C. (1940), One Million Years B.C. (1966), Caveman (1981), Quest for Fire (1982), Iceman (1984),The Clan of The Cave Bear (1986). Amusing? Yes. Watchable? Yep. Dopey? All the way. Think of the storied output of the director behind the newest cave feature 10,000 B.C., Roland Emmerich: Stargate (1994), Independence Day (1996), Godzilla (1998), The Patriot (2000), The Day After Tomorrow (2004). Amusing? Uh-huh. Watchable? Yeah. Dopey? Damn right. Need I inform you that this one is a colossal batch of bombastic claptrap, wholly artificial CGI, wooden dialogue and dunderhead acting, hilarious in its ineptitude and funnier in its delivery, yet (lord help me) a strangely entertaining experience, albeit one more suited for some late night cable TV searching.


Scott, I don’t wanna step on your knowledge and wisdom but I need to post the image. So I’m horning in on the post rather than the commentary. Given the proximity to Easter, you must forgive my sins.
Your review of “10 Million Years, B.C.” seems generous and kind compared to most of the published commentary. Our friend Jon Sawyer, whom you met is truly one of the most kindest and generous movie viewers I know. His assessment of almost every movie I’ve ever asked about is “I thought it was great, very entertaining.” For “10 Million…” he says “ Well, it was okay, I guess entertaining a little.”
I want to expand the “caveman/woman” genre to include the entire “Planet of the Apes” saga, the obscure and odd “Encino Man”, maybe the first 15 minutes of “2001 A Space Odyssey”, several Kung Fu films but most notably “ The Executioner” or “Chokugeki! Jigoku-ken” (1974), with Sonny Chiba, and naturally “The Flintstones” in all its permutations.
In the end though it’s all about this:










-Brother Mark