Oscarmania 2011

Cute-But-No-Cigar Award--Opening Hathaway/Franco/Baldwin/Inception Footage

Self-Aware Banter Award—Co-hosts James Franco and Anne Hathaway

Young Gun Becomes Elder Spokesman Overnight Award--Tom Hanks

Oscar Night Turn of a Phrase Award Part 1--Kirk Douglas: “When I was making pictures…”

Spotlight Grabbing /Method Acting Acceptance Speech Award--Melissa Leo

Welcome to Lowell, Ma Award--Melissa Leo’s F-Bomb

Youth Brigade Coupling of the Evening--Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis

Oscar Night Turn of a Phrase Award Part 2--Justin Timberlake: “I’m Banksy.”

Tribute to Warren Beatty & Dustin Hoffman circa Ishtar Award—Josh Brolin & Javier Bardem and their awful-awful white tuxes

Did the Right Thing Award—Power writer Aaron Sorkin invoking screenwriting great Paddy Chayefsky and properly puffing up his director David Fincher

Oscar Night Turn of a Phrase Part 3—Screenwriter David Seidler: “My father always said I’d be a late bloomer.”

Unexpected Pitchman of the Night Award—Christian Bale for dickyeklund.com

Possible Sign of the Apocalypse Part 1--Trent Reznor wins an Oscar

Best Aside of the Evening Award—The Sound Mixing Award winner commenting that his stellar crew was “Union, of course.”

Be Still My Heart Award—Scarlett Johansson

The Christopher Nolan Drumbeat Continues Award—Best Art Direction,Cinematography, Sound Mixing, Sound Editing

Best Special Effect Award- James Franco’s increasingly surreal smile

Swellegant Award- Cate Blanchett

The Future is Thiers Award--Michelle Williams, Jennifer Lawrence, Hallie Steinfeld

The Future is Now Award--Natalie Portman

Classy Gal Award—Hilary Swank

Perpetual Bon Vivant Award—Robert Downey Jr.

Best Eyebrow Action Award—James Franco

The Prez Sez Award-- “As Time Goes By” named best movie song by noted cinephile Barack Obama

Oscar Night Turn of a Phrase Award--Invisible Man Kevin Spacey: “I’m George Clooney.”

Good Concept, Ineffectual Delivery Award—The ongoing Oscar history tidbits

Whatever happened to Jennifer Hudson? Hello Jennifer Hudson.

Not Too Funny Award—James Franco in drag

Not Really Funny Award—Russell Brand & Helen Mirren’s translation schtick

Semi-Funny Award- Billy Crystal

Semi-Funnier Award-The Ghost of Bob Hope

Mr. Laconic Award--Jeff Bridges

Actually Funny Award--Sandra Bullock

Funniest Guy of the Night Award-Randy Newman

No Thanks for the Memories Award: To Celine Dion for effectively wringing away the grand memories of the likes of Tony Curtis, Patricia Neal, Pete Postlewhite, Jill Clayburgh, Blake Edwards, Lynn Redgrave, Robert Culp, Arthur Penn, and Dennis Hopper, while simultaneously warbling the one and only Charlie Chaplin’s “Smile”.


Sign of the Apocalypse Part 2- Instant television juxtapostion from the alien-like Celine Dion to the heavenly Lena Horne

Warrior Goddess Award: Kathryn Bigelow

My Lips Are Redder Than Her Lips Award: James Franco

Absolutely Coolest Collection of Peeps on Stage Simultaneously Award: Kevin Brownlow, Francis Ford Coppola and Eli Wallach

King of Shrugs Award--James Franco

Oscar Night Turn of a Phrase Award Part 4 –Colin Firth: “I have a feeling my career just peaked.”

Cheesy but Cool Award—Blink-of-an-eye PS 21 kiddie chorus finale with Oscar winners surrounding them

I am the Mailman, Koo Koo Kachoo--James Franco

(My Oscar pick 'em score? A not so great 17 out of 24.)