Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Just look at the pile of pure low brow excrement planned for the summer television schedule--Fast Cars & Superstars (ABC), Bridezillas (WE), Who Wants To be a Superhero? (Sci-Fi), Rock of Love with Brett Michaels (VH1), America’s Got Talent (NBC) and my true blue fave Hey, Paula (Bravo), which has the reality cameras following around that multi-talented scion of charisma Paula Abdul. (And that’s just dragging one plastic gloved finger through the surface of crapola.) Well, let me pitch the following:
Burrowing Into Bob Barkers Bowels-We follow the octogenarian around from bowel movement to bowel movement, with the ever charming Bob both narrating and analyzing for our pleasure, and some bonus comic relief from Bob’s home staff, including Ch-Chi, his 22-year-old Brazilian maid, Arable, his 23-year-old Dominican gardener, and Bona, his 24-year-old Columbian personal trainer.
Going Postal-A nationwide search gathers together as many US postal workers who have recently been laid-off, fired, checked into drug or alcohol rehab, suffered work-ending injuries, or have taken leaves of absences due to on-the-job stress, and comedian Joe Rogan and retired Major General Paul Eaton (former head of Iraqi training mission) put them through their paces in order to determine the best and most qualified to go postal at their former work place.
The Wide, Wide World of Dog Crap and Cat Vomit—Regular people from all over the country, from Glendale, CA to Baton Rogue, La., send in home made videos highlighting the wide variety and forms of dog waste and cat upchuck.
Cribbage Wars---Behind-the-scenes look at the rough and tumble world of competitive cribbage, peopled with unforgettable real life characters like Dotty the Baker’s Wife, Slim Jimmy Wolinski, and Matt “the Knife” Stewart.
Mowing It! —Deeply insightful, wonderfully panoramic look at the wide array of lawn care products, tools, and lawn mowers of every shape and size, hosted by the wry Richard Karn, formerly of the fondly remembered hit Home Improvement.
So You Think You Can Massage—Documentary crews hit the back alleys and out-of-the-way store fronts in crusty, busty run-down New England cities, searching for the one undocumented masseuse who can provide host Mario Lopez an empyrean happy ending, all for a $2,450.00 sweepstake price and an accompanying green card.